Thinking about Value & Being Present
A lunch hour free-write
The most important lesson this life has jackhammered into taught me, is that a lot of peace is found in simplifying life as best as possible, all the way down to the thoughts you are barely conscious of. Those thoughts that our brains are just hard-wired to fire off based on familiar stimuli.
Who is somebody that you really care about? Chances are, if that person called you right now while you are reading this, you would answer. This Substack would start to matter a little less to your brain. Even if you decide to decline the call while you finish reading,1 maybe those background voices in your head are a little more restless, wondering if everything is okay. Maybe you decide to send a text message confirming if everything is alright, and letting them know that you will call back in a second.
There’s a lot of things about our brain that we cannot control, but it is because of so much conditioning over time. Those impulsive reactions that are initiated by your neurons’ pulsating conversations with each other. It’s why all the -isms and -phobias that We (the People) talk about, are more than just woke bullshit.
What does it look like if we take more time to get to know those aspects of our brains. If we really start to reflect on what is it that is most important to us, and what it is that we truly do not give a fuck about.
It’s freeing.
On a daily basis, I navigate many a conversation of people trying to figure me out. They ask me at work if I get excited about things, if I’m having fun, if I care about anything. If it is one thing my grown ass will not do, is fake the funk just to make people feel more comfortable. I don’t need anybody to visibly know what I’m thinking or feeling, they can ask. It’s reinforced by my actual friends who know when I’m chillin and having as solid of a time as I need to, versus when things are wrong.
People matter more to me than systems. I know how to navigate both, but when shit hits the fan, I’m on the side of the people. This past month has been my own masterclass in code switching how/when I show up for what does and does not matter to me.
People at work have asked me to do things they think are fun, to which I decline. Friends have asked me to do things they think are fun, to which I oblige. One particular friend had a birthday party on a boat, and each of the last couple of years, work has gotten in the way of me being able to celebrate them. I knew when I committed to going that I was going to be exhausted more than usual,2 and that I would have to muster up energy out of nowhere to socialize, but it was important for me to be present there.
So much of life is just showing up.
I did the social things, but spent much of my time relegated to my own world staring out into the water as I let my brain breathe a little bit. I don’t think I ever fully relaxed, but it was enough of an escape to feel good about getting out.
I then had a choice of staying with family, since I had to be back in Inglewood the next morning, or go home. I (per usual) elected to go home, even though I would have to drive twice as much as if I would have stayed. In reality, I don’t care about driving. It’s time to listen to music or podcasts, let my mind stretch itself (in a yoga way versus a stretched thin way), and just exist on the road.
I woke up the next morning as refreshed as I have felt in a month, and headed to Inglewood for my uncle’s funeral. So many people showed up to celebrate his life. I saw family members I haven’t seen in years that didn’t remember me, and engaged with ones I should’ve been engaging with much more consistently.
If there’s one thing that my misalignment with my job has highlighted for me, is that my life won’t be as fulfilled as I want it to be until I am taking what I do for work, and serving my family with it (more).
I had one goal at that funeral, be there for who needed me. Whether it was being present with someone having an emotional reaction, or being physical support for people with emotional and physical barriers to navigating the space freely. I picked up family members who were falling out overwhelmed with emotion, and helped people who I’m not sure whether or not I was related to. People asked me and my dad for extra seats and obituaries like we worked there. Like we too weren’t there to mourn our family member.
After the funeral, I headed to work.
Why? Especially because it was a Sunday?
I care about the people it’s my job to serve.
In reading my uncle’s obituary, he probably would’ve scolded my ass for being at his funeral and not at work.
I got to work with 30 minutes to spare before a presentation to families of largely students of color, talking to them about how to spark inspiration in their kids’ minds and hearts to pursue their dreams in a meaningful, informed way. They didn’t need to know where I was coming from, I made a commitment to those families to be there, and I had full understanding of the impact I had at the tips of my fingers.
Some people asked me why I was late, and why I wasn’t wearing my work polo. I always have my finger on my “kill the vibe” button, but I ask people first.
“I can tell you, but it will bring the mood down.”
Then all of a sudden, people care. People are sorry. People offer their condolences.
Which is when I reinforce to them that it is okay. I made the choice, fully aware of how I would be feeling, and what would be on my mind. All because of my “why.”
I’ll land this free-write plane with a snippet of a conversation I had with a big homie of mine. I was venting/discussing to/with him about all the stupid things I was dealing with at work that were so trivial in the grand scheme of life.
I wrapped it all up by telling him, “But sometimes my girlfriend hits me up for dinner and we ended up chilling on the floor playing games. So life’s great.”
There’s a lot that pisses me off on a daily basis, but cognitively, I actively try not to let it take up too much of my brain space. That is reserved for who and what I value, who and what I want to make time for, who and what I give a fuck about.
What an honor.
It ended up coinciding with the singular day that I had largely off (with the exception of finishing a Powerpoint quickly) throughout the entire month.